• RJ Grand

"Ah! Why'd You Bite Me!" My Rider Screamed.

Updated: Jun 8







A couple of hours before bars closed, a guy with a fresh haircut and button-down shirt took two steps backward and swayed forward in front of the local bar where I parked. My thirty-something female rider greeted me and got into the middle row. “I’m waiting for someone. He should just be a second,” she said, while she shut her door. Her smooth brown hair swayed into her eyes.

“All right.” I’d almost swiped the “Start Ride” button, but knowing that sometimes you end up waiting a while, I pulled my finger away from the app.

“Here he is,” she said, her crystal eyes now in view, looked clear.

“Okay,” I said, noticing the staggering guy, about the same age as her, approaching my car.

“Open the door!” she called out to him.

“Okay,” he said, and climbed in next to her. He hit the seat with a thud.

I didn’t hear his door shut. “Are you in?” I asked.

“Yeah, he’s in,” she replied.

“Okay.” I pushed the power door lock. I hope he’s not going to throw up. It’s pretty consistent that everytime I pick up riders from this location, someone’s smashed. I don’t think they water down the drinks, and my fares rave that they're inexpensive.

“How was your night?” I asked, pulling away from the popular bar.

“It was good,” she said.

“Yeah,” he said.

“Oh nice,” I replied.

They offered no further conversation, so I drove toward their destination without attempting additional conversation.

“Stop it!” she said.

I don’t know what’s going on behind me because I have my eyes on the road, and I didn’t hear anything. I keep driving.

“What did I do?” he slurred.

She was silent. I was waiting for her to respond as I watched the traffic light ahead of us turn red.

“Don’t touch me!” she yelled.

The radio is down low, on a five volume, a barely-there level. I’m listening because I need to know if it's going to escalate. If there’s any hitting in my car, I’m prepared to pull over.

Words slowly came from his mouth, “Why are you mad? I didn’t do anything wrong,” his voice broke.

Silence.

The main road I turned onto is quiet. Street lights illuminated the river along the side of us.

“What’s the matter? You’re the only girl I looked at,” he said.

Silence.

“I only looked at those Asian girls. I didn’t talk to them.”

Silence.

"I didn't even look at any girls." He paused. "Oh wait, that's messed up."

I'm pressing my lips together to stop laughter from escaping my mouth. Hmm, interesting back-pedaling maneuver. He just got his tire deeper in the mud. I wonder if he'll rock his way out.

“Ah! Why'd you bite me!" he shouted.

Oh shoot. I wonder if he's bleeding and sit up straighter to look in the rearview just as a thought slams my mind. Don't look in the mirror because you don't know what they're doing, and you can't erase any visuals once you see it. Hopefully he's okay. They have four minutes left in the car. Where the heck did she bite him? Is it sexual? I'm not looking. People have done weird things in my car.

More silence. I'm feel like I'm waiting for Pennywise, the clown from Stephen King's "It," to pop up on the movie screen.

“Why did you bite me?” he said..

“Because you put your finger in my mouth!” she snapped.

He’s having difficulty forming words, but he gets them out. “What’s wrong? Why are you mad? I didn’t do anything wrong," his voice breaking.

“Those were my co-workers and my BOSS that we met up with!”

“Yeah, I know.”

“They never met you before, and you’re so drunk you couldn’t even hold a conversation! It made a terrible impression! I can’t believe you did that!”

Silence.

I wonder if her job is new and her employer might think less of her, figuring he’s a lush.

“Stop touching me!”

Silence.

I’m not sure how he’s touching her. If he was hitting her, I would have heard it and she used the word “touching,” not “hitting." I’m still not going to look in the mirror.

“Don’t touch me!” she snapped.

“You know…,” he slurred. “You’re even hotter when you’re mad.”

Laughter wants to erupt out of me. I hold it back.

I arrive at their destination. He seemed confused about how to get out of my car. She directs him. I notice there isn’t any blood on his hands. Thank goodness! I bid them a good night and notice her smile spans the width of her face.


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