- RJ Grand
"Ah! Why'd You Bite Me!" My Rider Screamed.
Updated: Jun 8, 2020

A couple of hours before bars closed, a guy with a fresh haircut and button-down shirt took two steps backward and swayed forward in front of the local bar where I parked. My thirty-something female rider greeted me and got into the middle row. âIâm waiting for someone. He should just be a second,â she said, while she shut her door. Her smooth brown hair swayed into her eyes.
âAll right.â Iâd almost swiped the âStart Rideâ button, but knowing that sometimes you end up waiting a while, I pulled my finger away from the app.
âHere he is,â she said, her crystal eyes now in view, looked clear.
âOkay,â I said, noticing the staggering guy, about the same age as her, approaching my car.
âOpen the door!â she called out to him.
âOkay,â he said, and climbed in next to her. He hit the seat with a thud.
I didnât hear his door shut. âAre you in?â I asked.
âYeah, heâs in,â she replied.
âOkay.â I pushed the power door lock. I hope heâs not going to throw up. Itâs pretty consistent that everytime I pick up riders from this location, someoneâs smashed. I donât think they water down the drinks, and my fares rave that they're inexpensive.
âHow was your night?â I asked, pulling away from the popular bar.
âIt was good,â she said.
âYeah,â he said.
âOh nice,â I replied.
They offered no further conversation, so I drove toward their destination without attempting additional conversation.
âStop it!â she said.
I donât know whatâs going on behind me because I have my eyes on the road, and I didnât hear anything. I keep driving.
âWhat did I do?â he slurred.
She was silent. I was waiting for her to respond as I watched the traffic light ahead of us turn red.
âDonât touch me!â she yelled.
The radio is down low, on a five volume, a barely-there level. Iâm listening because I need to know if it's going to escalate. If thereâs any hitting in my car, Iâm prepared to pull over.
Words slowly came from his mouth, âWhy are you mad? I didnât do anything wrong,â his voice broke.
Silence.
The main road I turned onto is quiet. Street lights illuminated the river along the side of us.
âWhatâs the matter? Youâre the only girl I looked at,â he said.
Silence.
âI only looked at those Asian girls. I didnât talk to them.â
Silence.
"I didn't even look at any girls." He paused. "Oh wait, that's messed up."
I'm pressing my lips together to stop laughter from escaping my mouth. Hmm, interesting back-pedaling maneuver. He just got his tire deeper in the mud. I wonder if he'll rock his way out.
âAh! Why'd you bite me!" he shouted.
Oh shoot. I wonder if he's bleeding and sit up straighter to look in the rearview just as a thought slams my mind. Don't look in the mirror because you don't know what they're doing, and you can't erase any visuals once you see it. Hopefully he's okay. They have four minutes left in the car. Where the heck did she bite him? Is it sexual? I'm not looking. People have done weird things in my car.
More silence. I'm feel like I'm waiting for Pennywise, the clown from Stephen King's "It," to pop up on the movie screen.
âWhy did you bite me?â he said..
âBecause you put your finger in my mouth!â she snapped.
Heâs having difficulty forming words, but he gets them out. âWhatâs wrong? Why are you mad? I didnât do anything wrong," his voice breaking.
âThose were my co-workers and my BOSS that we met up with!â
âYeah, I know.â
âThey never met you before, and youâre so drunk you couldnât even hold a conversation! It made a terrible impression! I canât believe you did that!â
Silence.
I wonder if her job is new and her employer might think less of her, figuring heâs a lush.
âStop touching me!â
Silence.
Iâm not sure how heâs touching her. If he was hitting her, I would have heard it and she used the word âtouching,â not âhitting." Iâm still not going to look in the mirror.
âDonât touch me!â she snapped.
âYou knowâŚ,â he slurred. âYouâre even hotter when youâre mad.â
Laughter wants to erupt out of me. I hold it back.
I arrive at their destination. He seemed confused about how to get out of my car. She directs him. I notice there isnât any blood on his hands. Thank goodness! I bid them a good night and notice her smile spans the width of her face.
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